He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive