it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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