HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.