Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.