This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
