love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
