Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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