Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
