are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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