i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
