After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
