Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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