dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
