well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
