She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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