I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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