You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
