is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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