Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
