i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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