Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
