mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
