So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
