If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
