What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill