FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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