We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
