Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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U took a sewing needle to his nipple
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?