holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down