I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.