Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
