wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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