By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't turn off my feet"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
