On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the raccoons are back...
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