I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
