Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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