I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
