he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize