Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
