Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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