so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
