I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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