I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
