What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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