I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
tell me about the eggs
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