Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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