he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
