y did u give ur computer a hand job?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
