while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
