He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You pole danced in your parka.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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