just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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