she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
