Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
