One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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