How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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