I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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