where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
