get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
