if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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