Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize