What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked a lego.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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