he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
