Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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