i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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