I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
