Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to make a zoo with you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
