Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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