Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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