I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
