im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
