I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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