I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
