So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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