I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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