I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
