dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
