Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
