that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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