If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
