no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
