GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
