You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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